9 Questions to Ask a Therapist Before Starting Therapy

You’re thinking about going to therapy, but you’re not sure how to start. Or maybe the thought of meeting someone new and telling them all of your deepest darkest secrets just doesn’t sound like a great idea to you. Maybe you’re not sure if they can handle your “suff.” No matter what your concern is, a good therapist will be open to discussing it with you. Here are 9 questions to ask a therapist during your initial consultation. 

1. What are your thoughts on medication? 

Maybe you don’t need medication. Maybe you do. No matter what your needs are, you want to make sure that your therapist’s views align with yours on this topic. Some therapists are adamantly against medication in most circumstances. Others send nearly every client home with a referral to a psychiatrist after just a few sessions. Many therapists exist in a sweet spot somewhere in between these extremes. It’s ok to voice your views on this topic. A good therapist will welcome your feedback. 

2. What experience do you have working with people like me/with identities like mine? 

If you identify with an ethnic minority, a religious group, as part of the LGBT+ community, or as any other unique identity, it is important to know if your therapist has experience working with people like you. Your therapist should not be offended by this, and should actually welcome these questions! As a therapist, I love when people ask me if I’m affirming of non-monogamy, LGBT+ identities, if I’m kink allied, if I’m body-positivity aligned, and pretty much any other identity-specific question. It tells me that my client is invested in their therapeutic experience and that they don’t want to waste time with someone who ultimately won’t be able to help them in the way they’re looking for. 

3.  What trainings have you completed to learn about (insert details here)? 

People can say they specialize in just about anything – but how do you know they actually do specialize in this area and they aren’t just telling you so? Ask your therapist when they were trained, where they were trained, and how they determined that they specialize in this area. This isn’t meant to be a way to challenge all therapists – it’s an effort for you to really understand what you’re getting when you go to therapy. If your therapist says they’re EMDR trained, for example, what do they mean by this? Were they formally trained by a nationally recognized EMDR training program? Or did they have a supervisor once who told them about EMDR? There’s a huge difference in this (and the latter example shouldn’t be practicing EMDR at all). If they specialize in trauma, what kinds of training and experience do they have that supports this claim? These are important things for you to know! 

4. What stays between us, and what doesn’t? 

It’s important to know the limits of confidentiality. While all states have different laws, most things that you say to your therapist generally stay private. Not everything is private, though, and it’s probably a good idea to know what those “not so private” things are. In most cases, things that don’t stay private include aspects of danger – harm to self, harm to others, or abuse. Generally, therapists will only disclose what they’re required to by law, but what exactly that includes varies from state to state. This can get even more complicated if the client is a minor, so it’s important to ask your therapist this question. 

5. Will outcomes for my condition be the same via telehealth as in person? If so, are you competent in providing virtual care? 

Even after a global pandemic that forced us to all learn the joys of telehealth, some therapists just aren’t prepared to do treatment virtually. Even if they are prepared, some issues are much better treated in person. I’ll use myself as an example – I am trained in EMDR therapy (I received my training from EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Programs, to answer question #3 on our list). Although I’ve been trained in treating trauma with EMDR for many years, as of the time I write this (August 2022), I have not received any training in conducting EMDR virtually. Because I don’t feel competent in this particular type of virtual therapy, I would either encourage a client to come into the office or refer them to a clinician who is competent in EMDR via telehealth. While I can do other forms of treatment via telehealth, it’s probably good for a client who is calling me to meet with me for the first time to know that EMDR via telehealth is not currently an option with me. 

6. What happens if I just don’t feel comfortable with you? 

It’s good to ask your potential therapist what the plan is if you two just don’t ever get comfortable with each other. While the first few sessions are bound to be awkward, ideally, you’ll eventually feel comfortable with your therapist. That doesn’t always happen, though, because we are humans and not every human was meant to enjoy every other human. It’s just the reality of life. You can (and should) ask your therapist what the plan is if you just never feel comfortable. Options might include exploring why you are uncomfortable or even just referring you to another therapist who might be a better fit. 

7. What types of therapy do you provide? 

Not all therapy modalities are good for all needs. For example, I would never use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as the sole method of treating someone who has complex trauma. It’s important that a therapist that meets with you is knowledgeable about the issues that you are coming in to treat. Aside from this, not every kind of therapy is for every person. Some people absolutely love CBT – others hate it! Some people find psychodynamic work to be deeply beneficial – others find it to be long and boring. It’s a good idea to find a therapist who provides a service that you (and your therapist) feel is right for you. 

8. How often should I have appointments? 

While the answer to this question is likely to change over time, it’s important to know what kind of commitment you’re making at the beginning of therapy. For most people, coming once per week is a great start, but some people may need to come either more or less often than once per week. When you have your initial consultation with your therapist, ask them how often they feel you should come in to start. You and your therapist can always change this later if your needs change. 

9. Do you charge me if I contact you outside of session? 

You might assume that contacting your therapist outside of session is free, but that’s not always the case. In general, most therapists won’t charge you for quick phone calls or emails, but this isn’t an industry rule, so it’s better to double check. If your question between sessions will take longer than 10-15 minutes, you should plan to schedule an appointment. 

If you’re thinking about trying therapy for the first time, or maybe thinking about returning to therapy after a break, you can contact us by visiting https://www.theraq.org/new-clients to schedule a free 15-minute consultation with a therapist. We are looking forward to answering all of your questions!